apple. freaking. pie.

I did it. I made a completely gluten-free apple pie! Happy Thanksgiving to me!

Gluten Free Thanksgiving - A Letter to Loved Ones

By: Paul Berchtold, November, 2010

Dear family and friends, if over I come,

For a holiday visit, at your welcome,

GLUTEN FREE FLOUR... SCORE! 

And we're seated 'round your lovely table,

Please understand why I'm not able,

To eat your many beautiful dishes,

Despite your insistent, most earnest wishes.

These dishes show your work and cheer,

Some only made once a year,

You must surely slave, hard and long,

Over the oven, whistling your song,

No doubt your recipes take many an hour,

The finest ingredients, the best of flour.

I really don't want, to pop your bubble,

After you've gone to so much trouble.

I hate to throw you monkey wrenches,

When you've worked so hard in the trenches,

But I must tell you, my face is blue,

I can't eat gluten. It's worse than glue.

Please hear me right, the sound is gluten,

Starts like glue, ends hollering and hootin,

Either way my meal, will probably be,

Also wisely spent, gluten free!

And that's because there's not a glut,

Of gluten-free foods to fill my gut.

I love pie. 

Thanks to many a local store,

Gluten free is coming more and more,

But even so, it's not real cheap,

You'd better have big large pockets deep,

But I'm on a shoe-string budget you know,

And my strings are breaking high and low.

I'm very lucky, and don't want to complain,

Of all my aches, and all my pain,

After decades of trouble, can't you see ?

I found the problem, fi - nal - ly !

I'm gluten-free, or I'd be dead,

So I can't eat toast, and I can't eat bread.

No wheat or oats or barley or rye,

I'll eat again, or I just might die.

Avoiding these things is an absolute must.

No stuffings, no gravies, no pie crust,

FRESH APPLES

The list of no's is so very long,

I'll likely just bring, my own food along.

Raw fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds,

These are now my special needs,

Almond butter, fish, kelp meal,

Rice bread and cheese, what a deal !

And replacing oats and wheatie flakes,

Are what I call, rice cardboard cakes.

You just don't find these things and more,

In every cupboard, behind any door.

Don't you worry, have no fear,

What I treasure most this year,

I'm alive and well, I'm in better health.

My time on earth is greater than wealth.

This could be my punishment mild,

For passing on veggies, when I was a child,

But if you happen to see, my sheepish face,

When gathered together, saying grace,

I hope I can hide my wicked little grin,

Against the grim reaper, who failed again!

I am thankful for pie I can eat.

Over 30 years I've been dying,

Every avenue I've been trying,

Doctors, books, research, notions,

Diets, pills, potions, lotions.

Just this Spring my heart gave out,

A reminder we must sometime go out.

I could've gone, but was lucky yet,

I hadn't my Creator met.

But to keep it that way, I have to say no,

To most on the table, and that's just so,

I can help keep the day, fun and free,

So you won't have to call, emergency!

I'm thinking it's probably not my time,

Which is why I'm writing this special rhyme.

I'd rather be here with family and friends,

Than have to this day in the hospital spend,

Of course it could be a whole lot worse,

You could be following, me in a hearse!

I'm glad, my friends, you're not digging my grave,

Think of all the work I save!

I'd like you to help me keep it that way,

So I won't have to ruin Thanksgiving Day!

I'm glad to be counted among the living,

Telling one and all - Happy Thanksgiving !

purple dinosaurs

    When I was 2 I received a very special gift, so special that I have it to this very day, 17 years later.

    Not many little girls and boys remember much about their early life. Okay so I remember some stuff... like the time I got my head stuck in the railing by the stairs at our old house... or the day we took a road trip to Colorado and I jumped on the hotel bed until I threw up... and heaven forbid I forget about the day I got separated from my mom in the primary room at our church. But, I'm talking more about the day to day events, like getting up and putting on clothes, or what I ate on August 23. No one remembers that stuff, let's get real. I think I started remember details like that when I was 9 or 10, but not 2. That part of my life is fairly blank when it comes to the small things, except for one day. There is one day I remember very well.

    The day I got my purple dinosaur.

    It was my birthday and I was having a party! My mom went full out when we were little, you name it, we had it: the streamers, hats, presents, guests, games, balloons, etc. We had the best parties in the neighborhood, everyone was invited.

    I remember that I was wearing a jumpsuit on top of a red turtle neck... it was snowing outside... the kitchen tile was blue... along with the cupboards, (this was before we re-did our kitchen). We had school posters on the wall, and everyone was frosting cookies. I couldn't name names if you asked me, but lots of people were coming up and saying "Happy Birthday Tashi!" I did not care much for people being around me, I was deathly shy. So I just sat on my little chair with my cookie as the moms talked above me and the neighborhood kids played.

    Then my dad came up to me. Holding a purple dinosaur.

    He did not say much... he just handed me this gift and told me that he got it just for me so when I look at it I can know how much he will always love me.

    That was it really.
   
    And the party went on.

    But in that moment I remember holding on to this dinosaur and knowing without a doubt how much my dad loved me. I had no doubt of his love, even in my 2-year old mind. Some people might argue that a child so small is not yet capable of feeling something like that, but I assure you they are.

    I still have that purple dinosaur. He has survived through all the years, and although his arms are poorly stitched back on by 11-year old me, and his fur is growing thin, he is still a perfect symbol of my dads eternal love for me. I will hold on to that special symbol forever.

    I really don't know what led my dad to buy me that gift, or say the things he did, but it was just what I needed. From a young age I have had no doubt in my mind that my Dad loves me. He is one of the strongest, bravest, smartest guys I know. When he is near you, nothing bad can happen. He is a really special Dad, and I am a lucky girl to have him in my life. I love him so very much.

orange juice

    I was walking down a hall at school when I saw a big pile of trash on the floor next to the trash can. The first thought that popped into my head was "you should pick that up..." I knew it would only take a couple of minutes at the most, but I didn't. As I walked away from that small pile of trash one single image clouded my mind:    

orange juice.

    You know those moments when you know you should do something, but you don't because you are too afraid of what people might think of you? I do.

    Those are the moments that make me think about orange juice. 

    I have a confession. A confession that is also a story. I have only told one person this story in my entire life so I really don't know why I am telling it now. But I am, because it needs to be told. I don't want others to make the same mistake I did.

    I don't know why I walked away that day... okay... maybe I do. I just cannot get myself to admit that I let what others think be more important to me than what I knew inside my heart was right.

    I don't know his name. I never will because I never asked. I was too busy thinking about myself. It was really crowded at school and I was brand new. I didn't know anyone and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out. I remember everything perfectly. I guess it made an impression on my mind. As everyone scurried to make it to their next classes before the tardy bell rang, he sat by his locker frantically trying to hold on to his stack of textbooks, plate of cookies and jacket. I think I noticed him because he seemed to have the same wish as me that day... to go unnoticed. He was an awkward looking kid whose glasses were too big, whose pants were too short, and whose clothes were anything but brand new. To put it frankly, he looked like the type of kid that had spent his whole life living in the shadows of the more confident and well dressed people around him.

    I think he had some type of class presentation that day... or class party... I really don't know, maybe I am jumping to assumptions... but why else would be have a plate with 30 homemade cookies and a pitcher of orange juice in his locker? Anyway, the point is he clearly was trying to balance way more than anyone is capable of balancing in their hands. I watched as he carefully reached for the pitcher of orange juice at the top of his locker... as he reached the cookies slid a little too far to the side of his arm and started to fall, his immediate reaction (like anyone's would be) was to grab the falling cookies. But, as he did he dropped his textbooks all over the floor...

    Then it happened. The pitcher of orange juice fell out of his locker and spilled all over the hallway, soaking his books in it's sticky orangeness and sending the crowds of kids running. I watched as some kids started to laugh at him and tell him how stupid it was to try to hold everything he was holding; I watched as other kids just walked away saying nothing as the orange juice spread further across the floor. He picked up his wet books and crumbled cookies and just sat there.

    I had a very strong feeling that I was in that specific place because I needed to help him.
 
    But I didn't.

    I turned around and walked away.

    And as I walked away, a flood of pain filled my heart. My whole life I had claimed to be a Christlike person, and here I was walking away from someone who needed my help the most. I was so mad at myself. It took a long time for me to forgive myself for what I did that day.

    I guess what I am trying to say is don't be like I was. I would do anything to go back in time and not walk away, but I can't. So I try and do better each and every day. It is very hard sometimes, you think after an experience like that it would be a no brainier, but I still struggle. I can tell you one thing though, that day, after I walked away, I made a decision that I would never let an opportunity to serve someone pass me by through selfishness again.

    You know how I said that as I walked away from that trash pile orange juice clouded my mind? Well it did, and that is exactly why I turned around and picked up that trash. I know it is a small step, but it is a step in the right direction.

    I wish I could thank that boy for what he taught me. Maybe one day I will. I don't know if I will ever get that lucky, but until then I will do all I can to make up for that day. And every time I think about walking away from someone who needs my help I can guarantee you I will think of orange juice.    
   

   
 

Things I Have Learned From Life

1. Just because something seems right, doesn't necessarily mean it is.

2. Real love is not always about hearts and kisses... It's much, much more.

3. Sometimes people you love hurt you, but they do it because they care and want you to be happy.

4. When you want something bad enough you will get it, but, it's not always going to be what you really wanted.

5. When you really care about someone you wont't ever do anything that will hurt them.

6. The right choice is often the hardest one to make, but it will always be worth it.

7. The actions of one person don't just affect them, they affect everyone.

8. Mistakes are going to be made, but not learning from them is the biggest mistake you can make.

9. When you have to hide what you are doing, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

10. Being respected is much more important than being accepted.

11. The longer you have to wait for something, the more it will mean when you finally get it.

12. Saying, "I love you," is not going to mean anything to someone unless your actions show that you really do.

13. Helping someone out is never going to be a waste of time.

14. By being selfish you lose a lot more than you gain, by being selfless you are going to receive a lot.

15. Waiting is always worth it.

16. A smile can save someone's life.

17. Adults actually know more than I would ever expect them too.

18. Being a real friend is more than listening; it's helping those you know become better.

19. When you use the right tools on the wrong thing, you cannot build a masterpiece.

20. Life is an awfully long time to hate someone.

21. Getting a head start doesn't guarantee you'll win, in fact a lot of the time you lose.

22. Cut knees heal a lot faster than broken hearts.

23. If you listen the first time, you won't have to the second.

24. Learn from others mistakes, because consequences don't change.

25. If you don't think someone else should be doing it, than you shouldn't.

26. There are not any exceptions when it comes to rules, just acceptance.

27. It's okay to cry, because when you do, it means you have a heart.

28. Feeling bad isn't enough; you have to correct and change your actions.

29. If you do it again, you haven't really learned anything.

30. Learning is a part of everyone's life, but perfection only comes to those that really learned when they learn.

all I want is a fresh roll

    I am craving bread.
    BAD.
    But... I am not allowed to eat it.

    November 7, 2011 was a fun day for me. I went to the doctor because I have been sick for a while now. My poor tummy has not been doing so hot these last couple months. I figured it probably wasn't a good idea to spend my whole life nauseous, faint, in pain, (etc) 24/7. So that's how I wound up speaking to the good man Doctor Slack. After describing symptoms and being asked all sorts of awkward questions in front of my mom, the Doctor Slack said he was pretty concerned about a couple things and would like to take my blood for a couple tests. I had never had my blood drawn before.... at least this would be the first time in my life that I can remember.... and guess what?! IT DID NOT HURT. In fact, it fascinated me. Who knew you could fill up so many little tubes with so much blood from one small poke in the good ol' elbow pit. So besides the fact that he did not tell me what half of the tests were for, I was very pleased with the ease of my blood labs.

    But we are not talking about blood here, we are talking about bread and how very bad I want to eat it.

    AND how I can't. Because the doctor told me I can't. After waiting a while for the results to come in he told me the blood labs showed that the celiac levels in my blood were way higher than normal and that it is very possible that I could be the newest celiac to walk the streets of Utah County. So for two weeks I am not allowed to eat wheat, barley, oats, etc. and see how I feel after, then a biopsy of my intestines and the possibility that I might have to have a couple tubes stuck up my body in weird places (i.e. colonoscopy) to check for tumors/infection/polyps. That is all he really told me, so that's all I really know, besides the fact that the very moment I was told I couldn't eat bread, it became the one thing on this planet I even felt like eating. Funny how that works huh?

    You know what else is funny? My whole life I have read the scripture that states "man cannot live on bread alone" well for the next couple of weeks... and potentially the rest of my life.... I can't live on bread at all. That scripture has taken a new meaning for me these past couple of days, because in order to not be upset about how I feel, or mad that I can't eat certain things, I have needed to put a lot of trust in God and know he has my whole life planned out so I can become like him. This is an opportunity for me to become closer to him if I have the right perspective.

    I guess where I am going with all of this is that with all the needle poking, and special diet planning, I have learned to be grateful and not take anything I have for granted, because who knows when you won't have it again. I think maybe I am supposed to learn something from this... I have always been so healthy and blessed and I think for that reason sometimes I don't appreciate what I have because having good things has always been a part of my life. This experience has taught me that I need to be grateful for each tiny part of my life as small as that part might be. Whether or not this celiac intolerance will be temporary or permanent, I am grateful for the experience, even though it is hard because of the things I have learned.

"It is not a question of God allowing or not allowing things to happen. It is part of living. Some things we do to ourselves, other things we do to each other. Our Father knows about every bird which falls to the ground, but He does not always prevent it from falling. What are we to learn from this? That our response to what happens is more important than what happens. Here is a mystery: one man’s experience drives him to curse God, while another man’s identical experience drives him to bless God. Your response to what happens is more important than what happens." –Chip Brogden

My Life Without The Priesthood

    It is easy to say that I am grateful for God's priesthood power on earth. But an expression of thanks does not do justice to the complete gratitude I feel for a loving Heavenly Father who gave me the ability to live with his power in my life. The blessings I am given because this power is on earth have forever changed the course of my life; from the beginning of time, to this present day, and will bless me for the rest of my existence in this eternal world.

    Without the priesthood, my life would be dark, lonely and helpless. Without the priesthood I would watch those I love die, never being able to see their faces smiling at me ever again. Without the priesthood, I would walk through life with no knowledge of why I am here, or what my purpose is. Without the priesthood I would never have been dressed in white and held in a circle as a loving father looked down on his little girl and blessed with me strength, love, and virtue as a continual shield throughout my mortal life. Without the priesthood I would never have been led into a font of blue water to be baptized, I would never have heard those words, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost" let alone know who my "father" and his "son" were. I would never have had the gift of the Holy Ghost bestowed upon my by worthy men, or be blessed with a guide who would always be with me to tell me what I needed to do, where I needed to go, or who I needed to help. Without the priesthood there would be no temples, no alters, not families forever.

    Without the priesthood I would have this amazing family I would learn to love so much, but who I would never have as mine forever. I'd never have the opportunity to kneel at the altar, hand in hand with someone I love to be sealed forever, to love forever! Without the priesthood, I would make mistake after mistake, never being able to feel whole again. I would get sick, or hurt and never feel hands on my head or hear the words "be made whole." Without the priesthood I would have no feeling of peace knowing someone knew exactly how I felt, because there would be no atonement for me. No Savior. No plan. I would not even have been born without the priesthood. Because without the priesthood power touching my grandmothers hearth when she was 18, she would have become a nun and my mom never would have been born. Without the priesthood my strong, loving daddy would never have made it past infancy because there would be no missionaries in that hospital room on the day he was born to heal him. Without the priesthood I would not exist.

    I've heard the priesthood to be called "God's power on earth" what is earth without heaven? Without God's power being a part of heaven, earth would not be created, we would not be here, everything would be complete nothingness. There would be no existence, no God, no Savior, no plan.

    But there is existence, there is a plan, and I am part of it. So while it is simple to say I am grateful for the priesthood, it will never be enough. Every day, for the rest of my mortal life and forever, I will give thanks for this power. I'll never take it for granted or think that is does not impact me every second of every day. Because it has, it does, and it will.

For My Mom

    You know what Mom?

    They all told you that you could have been a teacher, with your gift of language, and way with words. They all told you that you could have been a musician; no one made the piano sing like you did. They all told you that you could have got a masters, doctorate and PhD'; brains like yours don't come to everyone. They all told you that you could change the world with the way you share service and organize events. They all told you that you could write novels that would hit the New York Times best sellers list. They all told you that you could travel the world, meeting people and seeing sights very few people are privileged to see.

    And you could have.

    But you didn't.

    You just looked back at them and with a firm resolution in your eyes (and faith in your heart) you pushed away all those dreams and told them, "I'm going to be a mother."

    And they laughed.

    They laughed at the thought that someone so beautiful and so wise would give up so much to stay up late with a sick child, to never wear a clean shirt again, to have messy hair and tired eyes, and premature wrinkles, and worn hands.

    But you let them laugh.

    Because you knew.

    You knew that there was something more to life than meeting presidents and hosting grand events. You knew that singing lullaby's meant more than watching opera's and holding a hand was worth more than holding a trophy. 

    But there was something you didn't know.

    Not then.

    But I knew it, I know it still, and I'll always be reminded of it, no matter how old I get or where I live. And as crazy as it sounds that I, some silly girl who has only been on earth 18 years might know more than this smart, amazing woman who I call mother doesn't make much sense. 

    But its true.

    I know something you didn't know when you told the world no. 

    I knew that at that moment when you gave up so much to do such a hard and lowly thing as "dare be a mother", up in heaven a little girl rejoiced. Because she didn't need to worry about coming to earth anymore. God found her someone who would keep her safe, and bring her back to him. He found this girl someone who would love her so much that she would give her life for her if it was necessary.

    But that is not all.

    You know what else you didn't know?

    You didn't know that there would be sleepless nights when you would have to engaged all your strength to keep your eyes open so you could hold a shaking child who just had a bad dream. You didn't know you might have to go without that piece of pie, so my tummy would be filled. You didn't know that you would watch me fail again and again, not knowing how to help me. You didn't know you would suffer with me through every mistake. You didn't know that with every tear you wiped, every hug you gave, and every word you whispered that you would be shaping me, molding me, and teaching me.

    But above all. You didn't know that you really didn't give up all your dreams like they said you did. Because you are a teacher and I speak, read, and write because of you. You are a musician, the reason music rings through every fiber of my soul. You write a novel, with every story you told me. You have a masters, doctorate, and PhD in what matters in life. You have traveled the world fighting dragons, conquering cities, and saving lives with me. You did organize countless events and activities and thousands benefited. You might not have changed THE world, but you changed MY world, by giving me all the love, dedication and lessons I would ever need to be happy. 

    So while they may laugh at the choice you made so long ago. You can stand with your head held high. Because they might not know it. But you, me, and God know that you not only did all those things they said you would not do if you became a mother, but you did more.

    To be the daughter of such an amazing woman is the biggest blessing of my life. I will forever be indebted to you for giving me life and every opportunity in life.

    Thank you for being so strong and knowing your divine calling in a world that laughed.

    You are my hero and my example. I love you with all my heart.

Natasha Smith

Mother's Day 2010

my life is a sidewalk

    One of my favorite things in life is cold concrete. Silly I know, but hey it's me. When I was little I used to lay down on the shaded sidewalk outside my house on hot summer days and fall asleep. You know how lot's of people talk about the "cold side" of their pillow? Concrete kind of feels the same way when you are hot and it is cold. I think my childhood memories of cold concrete is why the shadow on the pavement outside my work was so interesting to me yesterday.

    I had gone outside to help carry out a vacuum for a customer. I am not going to lie... it was COLD. After putting the vacuum in the customers car, I proceeded to make my way back into the building as fast as possible. But, the concrete sidewalk I was walking on stopped me right in my tracks. There was a very evident line right down the center of the sidewalk..


one side was bright because of the sunlight that shone down on it,
         

 the other side was dark because of the shade of the building that blocked the sunlight.

    I found that when I stood on the bright side, the sun could reach me and I was not cold, but when I stood on the dark side the cold send chills all over my skin. I know you are probably asking what in the world this has to do with me loving cold concrete as a child and really it has nothing to do with that, other than the fact that the sidewalk reminded me of being a little girl and made me stop and think about my life.

    I decided my life is a sidewalk.

    I have two ways I can walk on that sidewalk: either in the light, or the dark. No matter what side I walk on, the sidewalk is still going to be the same sidewalk, but my choice will make all the difference for me.

    That day on my work parking lot I took a couple minutes to walk on that sidewalk alternating between the sun and the shadow and there was no question in my mind that when I walked in the sunlight I was warm and when I walked in the shadow I was cold.

    I think the same thing happens in life.

    We are given a sidewalk. Along that sidewalk we have different obstacles and different experiences. We can not always choose what will be on that sidewalk in the future, but we can choose what side we will walk on. If we choose to walk in the dark, in anger, in depression, in pain, we only make the obstacles harder to get over. But, if we walk in the light we see a new perspective and we are able to overcome those obstacles better than we ever could in the dark. Light has a way of clarifying the things around us. I have walked in the light, and I have walked in the dark ...(figuratively speaking)... and I have come to the conclusion that if you want to be happy.... walk in the light.